Isn't that the wild card! I know adoptive parents who supported their child through a troubled search-and-reunion, and other adopted persons who immediately felt a strong bond with their birth parent they had just met and went on to build a strong, sustained friendship. The range of reactions to the sudden arrival of someone from the past - the baby relinquished and now all grown up, the birth mother once known only in a photo - make clear just how powerful the removal of search barriers fostered by the Web can be.
Indeed there could be a potential range of outcomes when members of the adoption triad - adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents - tap into the web of social media. One might learn their birth father lives one town over - yet when "pinged" on Facebook expresses doubt that the person contacting him could possibly be his biological offspring. Or somebody might learn that their birth mother or grandmother died of cancer - which could be useful information or devastating information depending on the context. Or, a birth parent might reach out to an adoptive parent seeking to form a relationship with the adopted child, which might initially startle all concerned but in the end develop into a bond stronger than anyone might have anticipated. The possibilties are, as they say, endless.
Among the majority of adopted persons is a hunger for any scrap of information related to their origins.
When some prospective adoptive parents [PAP] receive a referral, they often get detailed information about the birth parents, from their height and weight to how many drinks a woman consumed while pregnant to the number of their siblings and their occupations. In other cases, a PAP receives nothing but a photograph of the child, who may have been abandoned.
As children in each of these scenarios grow up, they often seek to make sense of their beginnings, their traits, their quirks. I know a woman in her 40s now who was adopted as an infant. Only recently has she located and found her birth parents, but it's given her a great sense of connectedness and peace to understand some of her body characteristics (she is quite tall, while her adoptive parents are not) and temperament (she believes she can now point to the origins of her famous stubborness). For her, finding her birth parents and weaving them into her adult life has helped her lay specific questions to rest.
Yes, there is that fine line that adoptive parents must walk: sharing age-appropriate information with the child as his grasp of what adoption becomes more sophisticated while managing, as best they can, some of the complex emotions that this disclosures will give rise to. "Why didn't my mom want me?" or "Why didn't you give my birth mom money so she could take care of me?" are two of the tricky questions that have been put to friends of mine by their <adopted> children.
I think they should not, because this will give them nothing but pain and depression. The best policy,in my opinion,that should be adopted by the adoptive children, is to move on and enjoy the relations they are having right now and just forget about the ones who had forgotten them once.
I think they might become grateful to their adoptive parents after they realize that they have been given a chance by their adoptive parents to lead a better life. Once, that realization kicks in the gratefulness tends to start.
I would second you here. I think adoption is a very sensitive issue and a one liner wouldn't solve problems. What I think is that it takes time for people to adjust and probably time is the most important factor.
" I also understand is hard for a new family to explain to a child what adoption is, and for it to not have a negative impact on him (he might feel unwanted because his original family didn't want him, etc)"
Or he might also become more grateful of his adoptive parents to hold his hand at the time when his own biological parents left him for any reason.
This is something about which you can't predict the reactions of an adopted child.
"Why don't just say- sorry, we have no idea who are your biological parents, we love you. The conversation is over. Sorry"
And do you really think Mashka that this answer of yours would be good enough to satisfy their disturbed souls and that they will hug you back and reply "I love you too"!! I don't think so,It won't be that easy unless a child is gallant enough to accept the realities!
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