Good post, Nicole...

Seems to me, though, fairly important that we remain mindful that all monuments we create -- all temporary to some greater or lesser extent -- remain here after death. There are some who would believe that such provides a more certain after life than that which is based in faith...

It is rare that we prepare for our deaths with thorough resolve. If we carry around a legacy of wealth the, yeah, we make those arrangements. But it hardly seems necessary to ensure that all information about us reads complete through the final chapter. For us to attend to these details only ensures that we will miss life itself. As a simple practical matter, few of us anticipate our death. And those who can, have other priorities I am sure...

And, yeah, there will always be those who build monuments to the memory of the dead. And you are right. The reasons for this span the full spectrum of human emotion and need. There is no rational reason for it, though. And one might argue that it is a selfish waste of our energy to grieve when all continuing life around us could benefit if we just let go of what is gone...

Whether our grief comes from sorrow or from joy, it is important to understand, I think, that we grieve not for the dead but, rather, for ourselves...

Hey, Nicole! I, personally,found it strange and unacceptable.On one hand.On the other hand.A lot of communication goes through social networks.People find new friends on  the Internet, whom they might not have a chance to meet in real life. so when you e-buddy dies there should be some way to memorise s/he. So the networks you are writing about might be an appropriate way to express the  grief.

 

I guess it's similar to making a video to play after you die, or some sort of real-life version of P.S., I Love You.

One thing, though, that this brings to mind, sadly, is another value these sites have.  We've had a couple situations in K.C. recently where teenagers were missing and the lack of any updates to the MySpace page or Facebook has proven to be a leading indicator of foul play.  Often, when a teenager goes missing, police default to the potential that the person is a runaway, yet even as a runaway, these pages often are updated.  It's unlikely the teens' deaths could have been prevented, but certainly in one case, faster admission that the MySpace inactivity was evidence that the disappearance wasn't voluntary might have at least resulted in an arrest instead of an unsolved crime.

I'm sure there is a nice success story where a social networking side helped save a life and it would be uplifting to hear one of those.

Thank you Nicole for this post. It's quite amazing. I mean, not so far the fact that this exist, but, as you explained it, the fact that pain is so overexposed. I really have to think on the matter. In some days, we will have sites to post messages to coming babies by example... (sorry for my aproximate english, I'm french!)

What if the deceased person has prepared a series of message (audio, for example) to be uploaded (or even to call you) in the future after s/he is gone? "Communication", in this case, does not necessitate physical presence. I think it's not related to our need to be exposed, to feel exist by the other's recognition.

There have always been rituals associated with death which we perform for the sake of upholding ritual. You put flowers at a grave because it's tradition and a way of showing respect, not because you think the person is there and able to enjoy them. Similarly, now we've incorporated this ritual of writing messages on the deceased MySpace/Facebook pages. Not because (or at least, I hope not...) we think they're sitting there checking their MySpace from some Internet cafe in the sky. With evolution comes the evolution of and/or expansion on rituals. That is nothing new. What's interesting in this instance, however, is this conscious effort to make public displays of grief. This is a result of our newfound, partly subconscious need to be publicly exposed online in order to feel like we exist.

Hi,
When a person dies, our memories of him/her survives. But we knew for sure that it's just memories. Our ritual marks this separation (of presence and absence) so that we can cope with the loss, mend our broken heart and revisit our memory of the beloved one. Problem comes when our ritual does exactly the opposite, to blur the line, confuse us what to remember and what to forget. This, I think, is what "digital ritual" of remembering is about.

Actually, I sort of wish I had done some homework and started a concept like this years back.  I do not remember when it was but a few years ago i saw something where you can send a message into the future...  It was basically an email "holding cell" where you could send an email to yourself at a later point in time.  The concept occurred to me that if emai addresses were as permanent as street addresses I could send holiday cards to my wife for decades after I passed on.

I then thought that a virtual cemetary would be a great way for our mobile society to demonstrate, with their family and friends, respect and reverence for those who have gone before as many families now live a long way apart from their roots.

I do not think this is so much an online concept, but a way of providing modern "comfort food" in terms of paying respects when a 3,000 mile journey is simply too far to place a flag on a grave for Veterans Day, or other date when people flock to cemetaries to pay respects.

Undoubtedly there will be multiple implementations of such a concept and sooner or later one of them will become mainstream as people adopt online as "normal".  It may take a generation of two to make this a "real" thing but I have little doubt it will happen, probably after I am long gone.

I think I'm going to leave the login information for all my accounts so that someone can post "This Dude is dead" or simply close them out.

My wife's cousin died around seven months ago at the young age of 31. It's rather eerie in that he seems to live on through his myspace page where friends and family trade whimsical stories about the guy. Coincidentally, I think it's actually taking the family a much longer time to get over his death.

Anyway, it's Friday and life is short. I'm going to go home, kiss the wife, read my kid a bedtime story and then watch my tivo'ed presidential debates while drinking a beer (maybe two).